The aching in my muscles, as I try to concentrate on my devotions, is a reminder that all is not well within my body. It’s a deep ache, one that has taken up residence for over a year. It thinks it has squatters’ rights in my body. A nasty tenant, if you ask me.
Next, the Thots march in. The Depressed Thots. The Heavy Thots. Thots of Doom and Despair. They usually begin with, “Am I going to live to see Michaela dance professionally? What will she do if I’m not here to encourage and love her? What about Rick? He can’t make it without me.” As I glance around my home, I think, “This house is a mess, and I have no energy to clean it. I have so much to do… but no strength….” – Then the Clean Up Crew goes in for the kill. “What about my Gee Dots? Will I be around to see them graduate high school? College? Get married? Will Adrianna, Mya and Serenity ever know how much their Nana really loves them? Not in words only. I don’t spend enough time with them, as it is. I feel I’ve let them down this summer, I should have had them over more… but I get so tired when they are here, I’m a lousy Nana….”
All this has happened before my morning coffee has had a chance to cool. I’m already in Depression-ville for the day, and lay my Bible and devotion booklet aside, too defeated to continue. Today I feel like I’m having “Mourning Coffee” instead of my morning coffee. I mourn that my body isn’t as healthy as it used to be. I mourn over time spent (time wasted, in my eyes) lying in bed, just waiting to feel better.
The pain in my hands and knuckles as I write this long hand is the perfect back ground music for this whole scene.
But wait….
I prayed. Not a normal prayer, but with my friend, Connie. She is a strong prayer warrior who God uses to heal others while talking to Him. She spoke with me before we prayed. She sensed fear – in my spirit, not just being afraid to pray, but a deep spiritual fear that needed to be addressed. I told her that I was afraid of not being completely healed. I also harbor anxiety about dying before I’m ready. That the ups and downs over this past year, with my health, have me very concerned. First she said that some times healing is done in layers. That we must always continue to pray for healing, just like we must always breath to keep alive, we must also pray and keep God’s promises close to our hearts. Then she reminded me of several Bible passages that stated people were healed because THEY BELIEVED. I acknowledged that she was right, asked God’s forgiveness for my sin of fear, and let her pray.
I did feel better as she prayed. The pain in my back (that I’d been dealing with for weeks now,) dissipated as she spoke about it to our Heavenly Father. I did feel more energy for the rest of the day after she prayed for me, as well. I did indeed; believe SOMETHING had happened as she prayed.
However, this morning as I woke up, my old friends “pain” and “ache” greeted me, and my mood fell before it ever took flight for the day.
As the Thot Troops were marching in for a total annihilation in my Thot world, I felt a stronger foreign Thot come in. It was a God Thot that said, “Are you going to allow this? Or do you love God and believe in His power more than you hate what’s happening to your body? BELIEVE”. So with all the confidence I’m sure the Israelites had when they headed out to conquer Jericho, I advanced upon my day.
And guess what?
The pain has ebbed away, and the depression is fading … especially now that I renounced those thots with “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13
Praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life from the dead….
