OK, OK, I’ll Do it!
So, here I am laying in bed at 6:30a on the last day of the year I have dubbed ‘oh nine’. I really don’t wanna get up. But it hurts too much to lay here; my joints are the most painful first waking up. … I think about the fact that the rheumatologist has not called for the diagnostic appointment. Once my doctor seen my blood tests were positive, and excessively high, for auto immune antibodies he referred me to this specialist who would call ASAP to get me in and help me with a diagnosis. Since it was the “holiday weeks” of Christmas and New Year when I got the results (Christmas Eve in fact) I knew I wouldn’t hear from his office till after New Year. Still I feel that gnawing at my gut about what could really be wrong with me and sink into a black hole of hopelessness for a few minutes… My mind drifts once again, like it has so much lately, to my blog and my only “new year resolution” – to write a blog about my relationship with God everyday this year.
Since getting sick this fall, I have become keenly aware that God is doing His best to get my attention about writing for Him – a calling I have had on my life for well over 10 years (that I am always falling away from). In my search for what it is He wants the focus of my writing to be this year, I have realized He wants me to share my crazy and insane, but very real, faith journey with you. He has put on my heart that others need to hear what I have to say about my struggles and victories.
Don’t get me wrong, this has not come about without many ‘Moses Moments’ – me whining to God – “Send someone else, Lord! My writing isn’t as good as… Or as polished as… But they will judge me! (Pounding fists on the floor as I throw a hissy fit)”.’ Yet I cannot deny the burning feeling in my chest that comes when my Father in heaven is conveying a message to me.
He wants me to be serious about journaling my faith walk so I can maybe, just maybe, help comfort, encourage, strengthen or inspire you. Yes, you! He is thinking of you right now and wants you to know He loves you! Somehow, He is going to talk to you thru my writing. Talk about miracles waiting to happen! Or using a cracked pot! LOL! I have no idea how it will all unfold. I just know I am to get up from the floor, wipe my face as I stop my crying fit and obey His call to journal my faith walk for you this year. Finally, I am to the point in my life to say like Mary did – I am the Lord’s servant, so be it. (Luke 1:38 “And Mary said: I am the servant of the Lord; may it be to me as you say.”)
So since my laptop is still asleep, I scootched up to a sitting position, disturbing the dogs, and got out my handy dandy HTC phone that has a full slide out mini keyboard and am sending this in an email to myself so I can copy and paste these ‘new years resolution thots’ to my blog when I finally do get out of my comfy, albeit dog infested, bed.
The peace that transcends understanding is so achievable, my friend. I have just now experienced it as I submit to God’s leading and commit to sharing my bumpy faith journey in twenty ten with you! I have not felt this much peace in a long time…months? …years? perhaps? Come to think of it, it’s been since I left writing devotions for making soy candles in oh five…. I sense the Holy Spirit saying ‘welcome back kid, now get to work’!
I can do that! Because, with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26 “And Jesus, looking at them, said, With men this is not possible; but with God all things are possible. (BBE)” I can see God’s humor in this adventure already. As I typed in a search for the verse I wanted to reference, I came up with this one…. See how God said with men it’s not possible but with Him it is? It’s not my strength or power but by God’s that this journey begins! How awesome is that?
I am dedicating the following verse to this “Cee’s Thots”blog for 2010, and commit to blogging each morning: Psalm 5:3 “My voice will come to you in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I send my prayer (in the form of a blog post) to you, and keep watch.” (BBE)
Happy New Year, Everyone! And Happy New Year to you, my Precious Reader. God loves you!
Coffee anyone? 
I am enjoying sharing your thoughts and feelings with you Cee…I want your pain to disappear. I cannot imagine how you feel. I have aches and pains that were self inflicted from my days with FEDEX…at least those were paid for. And, of course the old age bit that reminds me every once in awhile how old I am getting. Your faith is very encouraging for me. I too have the bumpy road of faith. I believe this only occurs sometimes because we are mortal. We forget and need to be reminded of how wondrous our good Lord is and always will be. I will be keeping you close in thought and in prayer. Looking forward to visiting with you in 10′.
Have a wonderful New Years!! Love and friendship, Jeanene
YAY, Cee! Welcome, back. I look forward to reading your thoughts throughout 2010–they are a wonderful encouragement and inspiration. Keep us posted on your health–we’ll be praying for you.
L
Thank you Jeanene and Lori! I’m sure 2010 holds many blessings! Thank you for reading!
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